Tales of Unorthodox Romance

Romance stories don't always have a happy ending. However, somewhere in the middle is a little bit of love and joy. Then, again, that little bit doesn’t always justify all the heartache and pain. It was English poet Alfred Lord Tennyson who wrote in 1850, 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.' This, however, is not a universally proven fact and to which some may call bullshit. Separation, abandon, divorce, betrayal -- was there ever really love in the first place? Or was it just an intense rush of biological chemicals that eventually flushed out of the brain like a toilet?

Romance stories don't always have to be an entire novel in length, either. The original title of this book was The Three Minute Romance – not because it's a self-help book on how to have a three-minute romance, or how to start a long-lasting romance in just three minutes, nor to learn in only three minutes how to have a romance. It is a collection of romance novels each condensed into three minutes or less for those who don't have the time or patience to read an entire full-length romance novel. Not all are precisely a three-minute read and some people read faster than others, while others, in turn, read slower than those who read faster, but they should average out to three minutes, unless this book has not yet been translated into your language and you struggle with English.

Should these stories still prove too long a read, then speed-reading may reduce the amount of time it takes to read them all, which is forcing one eyeball to start at the beginning while the other eyeball begins from the end and having both meet in the middle. If the parts of a story span multiple pages that have to be flipped back and forth in order to read simultaneously, then alternate between closing each eyelid while flipping the page. With practice, speed-reading will eventually be as easy as double-knotting your shoe, driving an eighteen-wheeler, or debugging programming code.

As you have obviously surmised by now, this is also not a collection of your typical, run-of-the-mill, traditional, mainstream, conventional, standard-variety, dime store romances. Nor are they popular, for that matter. These are unconventional, queer and peculiar tales of unorthodox romance. They are undoubtedly not even your style and you probably won’t even get all the way through before regretting the time and money you already spent which you will never get back. Chances are you discovered this book in one of those community library boxes because it was placed there as a means of tricking you into picking it up and taking it home.

Proof-readers of the original draft complained about the liberties that were taken with unsavory topics, such as pertain to the lower backside of the human anatomy. You will be pleased to know that this final draft contains one-third less references to butts, farts, and poop than the first draft. However, if that’s what you are in to then you, too, will be pleased to know that the sequel is about nothing but those specific subjects and will be written in the most classical of languages – Latin – and entitled Cher, Pedit, et Puppis. Until that day arrives, I challenge you to finish reading this book first.

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