Lost Wisdom of Solomon

Once upon a time there was a wise Israelite who spoke many parables and proverbs, and who rode into Jerusalem upon a mule and presented himself as king. That man was Solomon, son of David, who lived nearly a thousand years before Jesus. According to the Old Testament, King Solomon spoke 3,000 proverbs. The Bible contains less than half of this material. You have stumbled upon this website for a reason: to procure a very special book of antiquity to add to your expansive library of literary merit. Herein, you will find more of Solomon's proverbs and wise sayings, for centuries hidden from the general population.

King Solomon has been identified as the author of more than just a few books of the Bible. However, what is the likelihood that he actually wrote these publications? Here is a table outlining these books and the likelihood that they originated from his pen.

The Lost Wisdom of Solomon Very Likely So far it has yet to be denounced by Solomon that it wasn't his. It sounds authoritative enough and was originally written in Hebrew upon calfskin scrolls that looked really old. Plus, it's chock full of practical wisdom.
Proverbs Likely Because it has been in the Bible for a long time and most scholars believe it to be the work of Solomon.
Ecclesiastes Likely Because it has been in the Bible for a long time and most scholars believe it to be the work of Solomon.
Song of Songs Likely Because, although considered soft porn by conservative Jews, it has been in the Bible for a long time and most scholars believe it to be the work of Solomon.
Wisdom of Solomon Somewhat Likely The Catholics think of this as secondary Biblical canon. Maybe it was and maybe it wasn't originally written by Solomon. Who knows? Let's group it with the likes of Tobit, Maccabees, Sirach, Baruch and Esdras.
Psalms of Solomon Somewhat Likely The date of authorship cannot be verified with certainty - only as far back as 63 BC. Although each psalm announces itself as the work of Solomon, you can't believe everything you read.
World Book Encyclopedias Somewhat Likely Lots of facts and dates and stuff. Something Solomon could've written, but most of it would've been prophetic.
The Key of Solomon Less Than Likely A book of dark magic and demonology, with simple card tricks for children. Although attributed to Solomon, it's just not old enough.
Testament of Solomon Less Than Likely Another magic book, but a little over the top in its desperate attempts to boldly claim its authorship as Solomon. Apparently, Solomon commanded more authority over demons than his own wives.
Magical Treatise of Solomon Less Than Likely Also known as How to Train Your Demon. Probably written sometime between the The Testament of Solomon and The Key of Solomon. Also contains instructions on how to make decorative garlands and wax action figures, along with some astrological crap.
The Lesser Key of Solomon Not Likely Solomon's name is in the title only. A collection of five books containing spells, demonology, and recipes for disaster. Only dates back to the seventeenth century A.D. Authorship unknown.
Odes of Solomon Not Likely Dates back only as far as the first century A.D. and sounds like nothing but a bunch of Gnostic bullshit.
To Kill A Mockingbird Not Likely Because it was more than likely written by Harper Lee in A.D. 1960.

The book claims to have been transcribed from Hebrew originally written upon calfskin scrolls, along with a codex written in Greek upon pages of papyrus. Here are actual photographs as proof of their existence.

Fig. 1: Vellum scrolls layed out flat upon tables in a darkened room to protect them from the harmful UV rays of the sun. Fig. 2: A phone book, similar in appearance to the Greek codex, which wasn't available when this picture was taken. Not sure where it is. Might have accidentally taken it to the Goodwill. Fig. 3: The wicker basket that contained the scrolls, now used in a less noble capacity as a dirty clothes hamper.

Here is what individuals throughout history have said about the contents of this book:

"Wisdom, an ancient relic of bygone times. Dispose of this, along with the Immeasurable Musings of Melchizedek and The Authentic Amalgamated Acumen of Abraham and the Exhaustive Enumeration Encompassing Every Enlightened Epiphany of Enoch. Place them over there in the pile inscribed as Rubbish, betwixt the pile inscribed as Keepest and the pile inscribed as Garage Sale."

Manasseh son of Hezekiah, king of Judah, circa 687 BC

"Valuable insight into so many elementary things we take for granted, such as boobs, boogers, and poop... Boobs and boogers and poop, oh my! Boobs and boogers and poop, oh my!"

Confucius, 593 BC
Chinese philosopher and amateur kite designer

"By Hygeia daughter of Asclepius, I accept the distinguished challenge of transcribing this ancient text, which the gods have delivered unto my possession, into the civilized Greek tongue. Now, if only I knew the Semitic languages. Well, here goes nothing!"

Prax of Naxos, PhD, DDS, 520 BC
Greek philosopher of dentistry

"It never ceases to amaze me what people will try and flush down the latrine. Why, I once unclogged an entire twenty-volume collection of knock knock jokes by Xenophanes of Colophon from a sewage aqueduct leading out of Carthage."

Garyus of Amphipolis, civil plumbing engineer, 312 BC

"Placed in this wicker laundry hamper, these scrolls will make a most notable addition to my garage sale!"

Marcus Tullius Cicero, 64 BC
Roman philosopher, orator, linguist, politician, lawyer, and all-around been-there-done-that sort of guy

"Brilliant! Exquisitely penned and masterfully composed! A literary accomplishment of critical and historical significance! I speak, of course, of my autobiography. As for this post-Davidic battery of contrivances, toss it over there in the pile marked Dead Sea Library, in between the pile marked Trash and the pile marked Rummage Sale."

Josephus, Jewish historian, A.D. 97

"And, finally, our last agenda item - should we, as the divinely elect governing body of Christ, who is co-eternal with God the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, as we have previously agreed upon and settled once for all, consider this Jewish manuscript of unknown origin as canon? Yeas? Nays? Of the roughly three hundred originally in attendance, there are but five remaining, and the Nay's have it by a vote of three. Council adjourned!"

Bishop Hosius of Corduba, First Council of Nicaea, A.D. 325

"A mystical doorway to absolute nothingness."

Shri Gaudapadacharya, A.D.
583 Hindu philosopher and author of "Vedanta for Dummies"

"As of utmost importance, I shall consider submitting this to an emergency synod to be admitted as biblical canon immediately following my confirmation. It shall be my legacy! For the moment, I must lie down and rest, as I am feeling a bit dazed and confused."

Pope-elect Stephen II, A.D. 752
Immediately preceding a fatal stroke

"Delectable and piquant! As I am starving and will eat anything that once originated from an animal and does not contain bubonic death within its pages. Mmm-mm, never has holy writ tasted so good!"

Osbert Hedgewick Pembrook III, Esquire, A.D. 1351
Devoured entire scrolls covering cosmology, dimensionality, and quantum mechanics

"This may quite possibly transfigure the Tanakh and redefine the Talmud! Set it over there in that pile marked Preserve, between the pile marked Burn Bin and the pile marked Garage Sale."

Obadiah ben Abraham of Bertinoro, A.D. 1483
Rabbinical authority and eloquent commentator on everything

"I think, therefore I am thinking. Bonjour, and what do we have here? Manuscripts of deepest thought. Très bon!"

René Descartes, French thinker, A.D. 1640

"A compendium of unparalleled erudition! How unfortunate that it has been lost to antiquity lo these many years. Now, at last, once it has afforded me a stay of execution it can become the revolutionary cry of the God-fearing masses. Liberté! Égalité! Fraternité!"

Philippe du Contant de La Molette, A.D. 1793
Theologian, biblical scholar, and guillotine sufferer

"A casual exegesis of the text by any aspiring theologian reveals esoteric hermeneutics about the immutability of eschatological totality within the axiom of ontological providence, revealing a canonical construct of the nexus upon the orthodox tenets of scriptural doctrine."

Ludwig von Wilhelm Müller, Intellectual Dilettante, A.D. 1865
"Meine Meinung über Alles und Nichts" ("My Opinion about Everything and Nothing")

Purchase from Amazon Index E-mail Author

The Lost Wisdom of Solomon	Very Likely	So far it has yet to be denounced by Solomon that it wasn't his. It sounds authoritative enough and was originally written in Hebrew upon calfskin scrolls that looked really old. Plus, it's chock full of practical wisdom.
Proverbs	Likely	Because it has been in the Bible for a long time and most scholars believe it to be the work of Solomon.
Ecclesiastes	Likely	Because it has been in the Bible for a long time and most scholars believe it to be the work of Solomon.
Song of Songs	Likely	Because, although considered soft porn by conservative Jews, it has been in the Bible for a long time and most scholars believe it to be the work of Solomon.
Wisdom of Solomon	Somewhat Likely	The Catholics think of this as secondary Biblical canon. Maybe it was and maybe it wasn't originally written by Solomon. Who knows? Let's group it with the likes of Tobit, Maccabees, Sirach, Baruch and Esdras.
Psalms of Solomon	Somewhat Likely	The date of authorship cannot be verified with certainty - only as far back as 63 BC. Although each psalm announces itself as the work of Solomon, you can't believe everything you read.
World Book Encyclopedias	Somewhat Likely	Lots of facts and dates and stuff. Something Solomon could've written, but most of it would've been prophetic.
The Key of Solomon	Less Than Likely	A book of dark magic and demonology, with simple card tricks for children. Although attributed to Solomon, it's just not old enough.
Testament of Solomon	Less Than Likely	Another magic book, but a little over the top in its desperate attempts to boldly claim its authorship as Solomon. Apparently, Solomon commanded more authority over demons than his own wives.
Magical Treatise of Solomon	Less Than Likely	Also known as How to Train Your Demon. Probably written sometime between the The Testament of Solomon and The Key of Solomon. Also contains instructions on how to make decorative garlands and wax action figures, along with some astrological crap.
The Lesser Key of Solomon	Not Likely	Solomon's name is in the title only. A collection of five books containing spells, demonology, and recipes for disaster. Only dates back to the seventeenth century A.D. Authorship unknown.
Odes of Solomon	Not Likely	Dates back only as far as the first century A.D. and sounds like nothing but a bunch of Gnostic bullshit.
To Kill A Mockingbird	Not Likely	Because it was more than likely written by Harper Lee in A.D. 1960.

The book claims to have been transcribed from Hebrew originally written upon calfskin scrolls, along with a codex written in Greek upon pages of papyrus. Here are actual photographs as proof of their existence.

Fig. 1: Vellum scrolls layed out flat upon tables in a darkened room to protect them from the harmful UV rays of the sun.	Fig. 2: A phone book, similar in appearance to the Greek codex, which wasn't available when this picture was taken. Not sure where it is. Might have accidentally taken it to the Goodwill.	Fig. 3: The wicker basket that contained the scrolls, now used in a less noble capacity as a dirty clothes hamper.