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Title: The Gospel of Martha
Author: Shadrach Evans Overview: The Gospel of the Good News of Jesus the Christ According to His Servant Martha, Sister of Lazarus Who was Raised from the Dead, and of Mary Who was Always at His Feet Listening but Never Helping, (and of Doug the Half Brother) Word Count: 202,471 Pages: 506 (6"x9") Target Audience: Born-again, self-righteous introverts and/or persons who are religiously stupid Genre: Fiction/Humor/Christianity Comparative Analysis: Gospel of Matthew, Gospel of Mark, Gospel of Luke, Gospel of John, Book of Acts, Gospel of Thomas, Book of Leviticus
Synopsis:
This Jesus the Christ, as the Greeks referred to him, was ultimately rejected by his own people as their promised Messiah, which the scriptures of their prophets foretold. The judgment of his trial was claiming to be equal with their God, the great I AM of the Torah, which resulted in a sentence of death. But instead of stoning, as was the Jewish custom, he was handed over to the Romans to be crucified by their laws based on accusations of subversion against Caesar. According to his followers, the Christians, he was resurrected from the dead three days later as proof of his claim to the throne of God. This gospel of Jesus Christ was spread with the help of the writings of a woman named Martha, whose brother she declares was raised from the dead by Jesus, among many of his reported miracles. This early manuscript was created from the firsthand accounts of Jesus' disciples and the lost documents of his apostles. It was then used by other followers in their letters to the early churches and by the authors of the four primary gospels of what has become known as the New Testament. Martha's gospel, however, went missing in the first century, presumably hidden away in the caves of the Judean desert near the Dead Sea. Scholars have since come to refer to this lost manuscript as the Book of Q (German "Quelle," meaning "source"). Martha's character is briefly mentioned in the gospels of Luke and John as a woman of faith, albeit one whose concerns were misplaced. Luke gives an account of Martha being criticized by Jesus for complaining about her sister Mary for not helping with preparations for their guests. Instead, Mary sits at the feet of Jesus and listens to him talk, which Jesus tells Martha is a better use of time. Throughout history, a comparison between the two sisters has developed in which Mary is someone who spends quality time with Jesus, whereas Martha is someone who busies themself working behind the scenes. In the Gospel of Martha, however, we find that she has taken the criticism of Jesus to heart and doubled her efforts to both serve and to listen, and in listening to record what is being said, that others may hear the words of Jesus in their own hearts.
Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha, and their half brother Doug. Therefore his sisters sent unto Jesus, saying, "Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick."
When Jesus heard, he said, "This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby."
Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus; and yea, even Doug, howbeit with a righteous love: one that transcends repugnant qualities and loathsome character. When he had heard therefore that Lazarus was sick, even so he abode two days still in the same place where he was.
Then after that saith he to his disciples, "Let us go into Judæa again." The disciples replied unto him, saying, "Master, the Jews of late sought to stone thee; and goest thou thither again?"
Jesus answering saith, "Are there not twelve hours in the day? If any man walk in the day, he stumbleth not, because he seeth the light of this world. But if a man walk in the night, he stumbleth, because there is no light in him. But if there is light in him, then it may shine forth as a beacon when he openeth his eyes in the dark; that he may walk in the night also, and not stumble. For are there not another twelve hours in the night?"
These things said he, and after that he saith unto them, "Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep, be it he like it or no."
Then say his disciples, "Lord, if he sleep, he shall do well." Howbeit Jesus spake of his death: but they thought he spake of the taking of rest in sleep; for they were simpletons, and the light of their eyes was dim.
Then saith Jesus unto them plainly, "Lazarus is dead. And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent ye may believe; nevertheless let us go unto him."
Then saith Thomas called Didymus unto his fellow disciples, "Let us go also, that we may sleep with him. And by sleep, I but purpose to say die. And we shall all awaken from the sleep of death. Then will Lazarus be most surprised, that we have joined with him, and arisen together. But why am I speaking? Some one I pray thee stop me."
Lo, and behold, when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus was in the grave four days already. Now Bethany was nigh unto Jerusalem, about fifteen furlongs off: and many of the Jews came to Martha and Mary, to comfort them concerning their brother.
But Doug was not so much concerned, and layeth he upon the floor of the house, and consuming of a bowl of leftover falafels in a stupour of apathy. Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him: but Mary sat in the house, watching Doug litter his protruding belly with crumbs of indifference.
Then saith Martha unto Jesus, "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give thee."
Jesus saith unto her, "Thy brother shall rise again." Martha saith unto him, "I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day."
Jesus saith unto her, "I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?"
She saith unto him, "Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world." And when she had so said, she went her way, and called Mary her sister secretly, saying, "The Master is come, and calleth for thee." As soon as she heard, she arose quickly, and came unto him.
Now Jesus was not yet come into the town, but was in that place where Martha met him. The Jews then which were with her in the house, and comforted her, when they saw Mary, that she rose up hastily and went out, followed her, saying, "She goeth unto the grave to weep there."
Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died."
When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, and saith, "Where have ye laid him?" They say unto him, "Lord, come and see."
Jesus wept.
Then say the Jews, "Behold how he loved him!" But of them that were indignant, even Doug, said they, "Could not this man, which opened the eyes of the blind, have caused that even this man should not have died?"
Jesus therefore again, groaning in himself, came forward to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it. Jesus saith, "Take ye away the stone."
Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, "Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been four days dead." Jesus saith unto her, "Said I not unto thee, that if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?"
Then Martha and Mary took away the stone where the dead was laid. And they laboured at length, for the stone was of much heft. And they asked their half brother Doug for help; but he pretendeth only to push. And, behold, when finally they uncovered the tomb, they did slump to the ground, and greatly exhausted.
And Jesus lifting up his eyes saith he, "Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me."
When he thus spake, he cried with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come forth." And, behold, he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin; and he looketh in appearance as an Egyptian mummy.
Jesus saith unto them, "Loose him, and let him go." Then many of the Jews which came to Mary, and had seen the things which Jesus did, believed on him, and were baptised.
When the napkin had been removed from about the head of Lazarus, he breathed deeply, and saith, "Why didst thou unto me, and raise me from the dead?"
Jesus replying unto him saith he, "Because Martha your sister naggeth me incessantly, and pestered ceaselessly, and badgered with everlasting persistence, and harried with enduring unremittance, and harpeth she without end; until, lo, I did but relent."
And, behold, all present did laugh heartily, even Lazarus; with exception of Martha, who returned home to tidy up and stew about Jesus' mirthful quip at her expense: always at her expense.
Now it came to pass, as they went, that Martha received him into her house. And her sister Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, and heard his words. But Martha was cumbered about with much serving, and came to him, and said, "Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she helpeth me."
And Jesus answering saith unto her, "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things. But one thing is needful, and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."
Upon hearing, Martha went away vexed, and not without murmuring. But, lo, Jesus heard her murmurings, and did sense the vexation of her tone, and so saith he again unto her, "Martha, Martha, Martha, verily I say unto thee, be not dismayed that this thy sister hath made more fitting a preference. For the dishes always havest thou with thee; but me havest thee not always. Howbeit, goest thou and make meat for supper."
So Martha went away downtrodden in spirit. But, behold, these things did she cleave unto her heart. And whilst Mary her sister sat in idleness and listened to the words of Jesus, Martha busied herself with preparations. Yet even so did she in secret hearken unto the words of him who spake the truth, even the Christ, and in solitude did she commit these sayings unto the written manuscript.
And henceforth did Martha pay mindful regard unto all that was spake of Jesus by his apostles, and his disciples, and his retinue, and of servants who lurked within the shadows in the midst of his private discourses, and them of low status who went unnoticed by they of high regard, and the women who followed at their distance.
Especially so did she examine of the reports from certain women which accompanied him and ministered unto him of their substance. And these are the women who followed Jesus in his travels, by name:
Mary called Magdalene, who had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, out of whom went seven devils, and whom Jesus considered just one of the guys.
Mary Joanna (Latin, Junia) the wife of Chuza, steward and ventriloquist to Herod Antipas. She had fallen, and could not rise, for she brake an hip. And Jesus healed her, and bid her follow. Now Chuza had many puppets, which Joanna herself had fashioned: and these were crafted of fine porcelain, and silken fabricks bejeweled with precious stones, and they adorned in jewelry of gold from her own collection. So she went forth to sell them, but Chuza pleaded with her, and granted her divorcement monies as part of the marriage contract. For without puppets, he was as nothing to Herod.
Mary Susanna, she who had a lazy eye, and which Jesus did heal completely. And she carried upon her person a box of fragrances and essential oils, which were vended in small quantities for use in aroma therapy and the anointing of various ailments. She managed also a network of delegates who sold her wares throughout Judaea, and earning revenue by means of a layered commission compensation system in which each level in the sales force profited from their downline distribution recruits.
Mary the wife of Alphaeus and mother of James the less: not to be mistook for Mary the wife of Alphaeus father of Levi called Matthew; for the two husbands are they similar in countenance as in name, and ofttimes mistook one for the other, even by their own wives. For this reason nary did they vacation together.
Mary the wife of Cleophas the brother of Joseph, the father (as it were) of Jesus; and therefore Aunt Mary. As sister in law to Mary, Joseph's wife, she was oft referred to as the other Mary. Also was she the mother of Simeon, a late bloomer of pubescence.
Mary of Bethany, the sister of Lazarus and Martha; also half sister of Doug, whom Jesus was not much fond of. Although not attentive to the needs of others, she is a good listener.
Mary Salome, the mother of Zebedee's children, James and John: the modest wife of a fisherman, but a woman shrewd in her dealings, who turneth a plug shekel into a talent.
Mary the mother of Matthew son of Alpaeus, who preferreth he his son be called by his given name Levi; but not Mary the wife of Alpaeus and mother of James the less, although the two have complicated business relations. This Mary was an assistant to the administratour of the local synagogue, and therefore knoweth she well the whole of Capernaum.
Mary the mother of Jesus; and mother of James, and Joses, and Jude, and Simon, the legitimate sons of Joseph; and of her daughters Assia and Lydia. Now hearsay hath circulated that these children of Joseph were from a previous marriage, and that after the birth of Jesus, Mary's uterus miraculously ascended into heaven. But how can this be? For Joseph and Mary were of ordinary stock, and came together for to beget other children subsequent to the virgin birth of Jesus. If this were not so, then a depraved veneration of Mary would thereby ensue.
Then Jesus departed to pray yonder, and his disciples followed; but the women stayed behind at the house of Martha. And, lo, it came to pass as Martha was busy, that Mary her sister asked of them, "Hath any an one seen my jar of myrrh, worth a year's wages?"
And Mary Magdalene replied, "I do believe Mary knoweth." And Mary Joanna replied, "Not I; askest thou Mary." Then Mary Salome responding saith, "Nay, but askest thou the other Mary." And Mary the wife of Cleophas responding saith, "Neither do I know of this; prithee askest thou Mary." And Mary Susanna replying saith, "Why askest thou me? Askest thou Mary instead."
And, behold, so it went like unto this, day in and day out: much to the vexation of Martha. Yet she having ears to hear listened, and none the less did she take careful note of all that was told regarding Jesus and his ministry: writing until her fingers grew gnarled and her knuckles arthritick; and her eyes dimmed from squinting by candlelight. Yet still she served with faithfulness all who crossed her threshold.
Also have I, the disciple whom Jesus loved, disclosed with Martha of mine own messianic experiences of the Christ: with the express consent that the intellectual right to written property, and the entitlement of first publikation thereof, be spared from authorial ownership to the gospel of our Lord and Saviour Jesus: to whom be glory and honour forever.
Though she being a woman, and needless to say of lesser regard, still I beseech the lectour to render her words with the deference and authority fitting a man of honour. And if any shall take away from the words written herein, then let him make corrections of spelling, and of grammar, and of punctuation, and of syntax: then return them to their rightful place. But let the truth remain intact.
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.
Amen.
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